I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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