I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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