Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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