sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
