she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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