My room smells like vodka and shame
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
