I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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