I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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