Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
