guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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