I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
