One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
