dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
