We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
