he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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