She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
