i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
