I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
