where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
