O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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