That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
