Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
