you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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