Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
