I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
PANTIES FOUND
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
