I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
