Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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