I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
