Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
