Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
