I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
