my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Someone signed my nipple.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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