writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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