All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
