like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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