So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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