Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
