I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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