oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
