I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
