If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
