I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
whose parrot is this?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
