I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
