I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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