Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
