and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
