One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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