if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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