Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
