So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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