absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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