Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
