I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
