omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
